Tag Archives: Religion and Spirituality

It’s Okay Because I Refuse

23 Dec

Summer 2014

I have been working a contract job during the day for the last few months. I have enjoyed it but I am glad it is finally coming to an end. I was sitting at my cubicle thinking about my life. Specifically, why I am still single and how that makes me feel? In doing so I realized something as I battled through my emotional roller coaster today, It’s okay. It’s okay to be in the emotional moment. Because that does not mean the emotions of the moment represent the actual view of how I see myself.

It’s okay to get frustrated with being single, not having children and yes even fretting briefly over if I will ever be married. It’s okay to have the longing to love someone and briefly, yes briefly to pause thinking “I am not worthy or even maybe there is something wrong with me”.  Because the bottom line is there is nothing wrong with me, I am just fine.

There was a time in my life that I probably would have done just about anything to be loved and married. Meaning I would have to compromise what I knew I deserved to have it. At this point in my life I have come to understand the value of my worth. I think that is why God would not allow me to marry before now. “I unfortunately did not learn my full value until I was in my mid 30’s.” Sad I know, but I spent the majority of my life thinking I was less because people close to me always said I was, mainly because of my weight. You hear something so many times it gets deeply rooted into who you are and it is damn hard to get it out of your head.  So at this point in my life I refuse to compromise on what I deserve not just in marriage but in life. I refuse to not be the dynamic woman that I am called to be. I refuse to not be the minister God has called me to be.

I am a Pastor, a motivational speaker, a singer, a writer, and an entrepreneur. I am not the quiet and reserve Naomi following behind Ruth in the Bible.

I am Deborah at the city gates sounding the alarm!

 I refuse to be denied the same level of love, respect and devotion I give to others. I refuse to be cheated on or abused (physically or mentally). I refuse to not be respected, loved and valued in that order. I refuse to not walking according to my calling to inspire others or work to be the best I can be. I refuse to allow another person’s insecurities dictate my potential or regress me into a position to allow someone unqualified to have authority in my life.

I am so excited about my future right now because in writing this my strength has been renewed, my motivation restored, my vision revived. Because I know I am going to be Okay because I REFUSE to be otherwise.

His Bondservant,

Joan White
AKA Voluptuous Diva

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Joan White is the founder of Voluptuous Diva, Inc. and resides in
Winston-Salem, NC

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Defining Moments: Know At Your Lowest Point God is With You

19 Mar

I don’t know about you but there have been times when I have been so low I could not see my way out.  But in my weakest hour of giving up something on the inside would not allow me to do so.

It is at that very moment inner strength comes, pulls me out and encourages me to keep moving forward, to keep believing for the better. 

Throughout my 20s I was a depressed and defeated individual. I came home from college without a degree and I felt so low and defeated. It did not help any that I disappointed my mom by not finishing and (she never let me forget it). All my friends got married in their twenties and were starting families and I was left alone. I was living at home with my mother, no car, working temporary jobs and no relationship. I use to sit and cry for long periods of time and eat. I thought I was unlovable, unemployable, and destined to be stuck in my moms house forever.

Yet something inside me kept me going. I was involved in a local church at that time and I spent every moment I could at that place. I even volunteered in the church office for several months. I know now that it was God me and letting me know in my heart not to give up, not to give in, that no matter what I was going to make it.

I am 45 now and I look back on those times with such amusement. I realize as I have matured as a women just how much I have grown and been able to withstand the hardships of life that were designed to destroy me and I thank god that I stood.

It was only because strength comes in our weakest hours, hope and the ability to keep fighting is an inherited part of our nature.  It is Gods way of letting us know he will never leave us nor forsake us, especially in our darkest hours.

I continue to find however, that I must continue to guard my mind against regression. I have found myself this year not as productive as I wanted to be. I have not lost the weight that I wanted, or accomplished the things with the business I set for myself. But it is okay. I realize God is calling me to go deeper in him and I will not get to the level that I want until I do.

Beloved know that it is okay to feel frustrated, it is our minds way of letting us know that we need to continue to make changes to improve ourselves.  Never give up or give in, ass long as you keep moving and progressing towards your passion in life you will never be a failure.

To God Be the Glory; both Now and Forevermore.

 

Voluptuous Diva

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