voluptuousdivainc

I have been working a contract job during the day for the last few months. I have enjoyed it but I am glad it is finally coming to an end. I was sitting at my cubicle thinking about my life. Specifically, why I am still single and how that makes me feel? In doing so I realized something as I battled through my emotional roller coaster today, It’s okay. It’s okay to be in the emotional moment. Because that does not mean the emotions of the moment represent the actual view of how I see myself.

It’s okay to get frustrated with being single, not having children and yes even fretting briefly over if I will ever be married. It’s okay to have the longing to love someone and briefly, yes briefly to pause thinking “I am not worthy or even maybe there is something wrong with me”.  Because the bottom line is there is nothing wrong with me, I am just fine.

There was a time in my life that I probably would have done just about anything to be loved and married. Meaning I would have to compromise what I knew I deserved to have it. At this point in my life I have come to understand the value of my worth. I think that is why God would not allow me to marry before now. “I unfortunately did not learn my full value until I was in my mid 30’s.” Sad I know, but I spent the majority of my life thinking I was less because people close to me always said I was, mainly because of my weight. You hear something so many times it gets deeply rooted into who you are and it is damn hard to get it out of your head.  So at this point in my life I refuse to compromise on what I deserve not just in marriage but in life. I refuse to not be the dynamic woman that I am called to be. I refuse to not be the minister God has called me to be.

I am a Pastor, a motivational speaker, a singer, a writer, and an entrepreneur. I am not the quiet and reserve Naomi following behind Ruth in the Bible.

I am Deborah at the city gates sounding the alarm!

 I refuse to be denied the same level of love, respect and devotion I give to others. I refuse to be cheated on or abused (physically or mentally). I refuse to not be respected, loved and valued in that order. I refuse to not walking according to my calling to inspire others or work to be the best I can be. I refuse to allow another person’s insecurities dictate my potential or regress me into a position to allow someone unqualified to have authority in my life.

I am so excited about my future right now because in writing this my strength has been renewed, my motivation restored, my vision revived. Because I know I am going to be Okay because I REFUSE to be otherwise.

His Bondservant,

Joan White
AKA Voluptuous Diva

Voluptuous Diva Diaries is a newsletter sponsored by Voluptuous Diva, Inc.

We are an online social network, fashion design, and merchandising community
dedicated to the majority of American women.

Voluptuous Diva, Inc. was created so that my fellow Divas can
feel empowered, sexy, and inspired.

Joan White is the founder of Voluptuous Diva, Inc. and resides in
Winston-Salem, NC