Relationships and the Plus Size Woman
Inside the Mind and Heart of a Man (Part 4):
Men Want More Sex
This series of articles is designed to educate women on the inner workings of men. The information is from the book authored by Shuanti Feldham, which emphasizes the importance of seven revelations involving the mindset of men. To date, we have discussed three revelations. The first revelation was that men need to be respected more than they need to be loved. The second revelation was that men are insecure. Despite a man’s “in-control” exterior, men often feel like impostors. The third revelation is that men have a driving need to be providers, which validates their love for their families and justifies their abilities to succeed as men.
Revelation 4: “Men want more Sex”
This particular revelation applies more to wives than just long and short term girlfriends. So keep this in mind as you read this revelation. For wives, your sexual desire for your husbands profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.
Basically, men want more sex not because they are “sex maniacs” as we have assumed, but because if fulfills a deep internal emotional need within. We as women don’t realize this concept, and for men this presents a crisis not just for the man, but for the relationship as well. For your husband, sex is more than just a physical need, it is a deeply emotional need as well. Lack of sex for a husband is just as serious in his estimation as it would be for the wife (or girlfriend) if he stopped talking to you.
Sex Fills a Powerful Emotional Need
A man often battles feelings of isolation, and is burdened by secret feelings of inadequacy. Making love re-assures him that you find him desirable and eases a deep sense of loneliness, which gives him strength to face the world with confidence. You see, at the most basic level, your man wants to be wanted by you. When surveyed, 98% of men said getting plenty of sex was not the only issue, it was also important to feel wanted and desired by their wives. Women have to realize there are plenty of emotions associated with sexual intimacy within the male psyche. When women say no to sexual intimacy, we are frustrating our partner’s emotions. We must also remember that even if they were getting all the sex they wanted, it would still feel empty if their wives or lovers are not fully engaged and satisfied. We must learn to realize the emotional consequences of our response to sexual intimacy, whether positive or negative.
Men need their women to want and need to have sex with them
When a man has a fulfilled sex life, it creates an inner peace. Conversely, deep wounds are created when that vital part of their life is unfulfilled. There are several benefits of sexual intimacy that need to be noted:
1. Fulfilling sex makes him feel loved and desired – Having a mutually enjoyable sex life is critical to a man’s feelings of being loved and desired. Men deal with a deep sense of loneliness that women don’t understand, and making love is the purest salve for that loneliness. A man can feel isolated, even with his wife. However, in love making, a man realizes that there is one other person in his world that he can be completely vulnerable with, and be totally accepted without judgment. For a man, making love is a solace that goes very deep into the heart of his being.
86% of men admit that more sex would give them a greater sense of well being and increased satisfaction
2. Fulfilling sex gives him confidence – Our desire for our man goes beyond making him feel wanted and loved. Our desire for our husbands is the foundational support to equip him to take on the world and face his daily life outside the home with confidence. When sex is in sync, men are more confident and alive. When surveyed, 86% of men admitted that if sex were available as much as they desired, it would have a very positive affect, and give them a greater sense of well-being and satisfaction. This is not just a physical issue; sex provides a release from day to day pressures, and in their minds makes everything better. We as women need to understand that what happens in the bedroom can affect how the next day at the office will transpire.
“No” is not no to sex; as she might feel. It is no to me as I am”
3. When we reject a man sexually, we wound him and it causes incredible pain – Women need to be sensitive to the fact that when we engage in sex with our mate out of a sense of duty, the man feels incredibly rejected. He would rather go out and clip hedges in the cold freezing rain than make love to a reluctant woman. What he wants most is to be desired by his wife, and when wives aren’t sensitive to this feeling and display it by either having sex out of duty, or telling him “not tonight”, he is hearing us say that we are turned off by him, and that we don’t care about what matters deeply in his opinion. He hears this even when are saying we don’t want sex at that moment. Therefore, in this area, we must learn to be very sensitive or risk causing damage to the man.
4. When we lack desire for our man we can send him into a depression – Just as your sexual desires give a man a greater sense of satisfaction and well being, continued rejection will lead to a nagging lack of confidence, withdrawal, and depression. Men can’t just turn off the physical and emotional importance of sex. Compare their pain to the pain you would feel if your husband stopped talking to you anymore. The pain would be unbearable. Realize women, that not having mutual sexual intimacy with our husbands is considered a lost treasure which can lead to deep resentments, hurt feelings, fostered anger, and feelings of alienation within our men.
How are we as Women to respond?
Out of all seven revelations, I truly believe that women need to make sure they understand this particular need more than the others. The sexual intimacy between a husband and wife connects the other factors, and relates them closely to one another.
1. Choose to love him the way he needs to be loved – Once you realize what your man is saying in this regard, we must begin to view his sexual desires differently, and respond in kind to this deep internal need with a genuine desire and willingness. We must realize that we are responding to a tender heart hiding behind that strong silent male persona. We must learn to respond with complete genuine emotional and loving involvement. When we can’t respond physically, then we need to make sure we use words that are sensitive, heartfelt, reassuring, and convey affirmation that his need is important and that no disrespect is intended.
2. Get involved and enjoy it – Remember to not respond out a physical sense of duty because this does not meet his needs, but instead makes him feel rejected. We as women need to be open and tell our men what we need, want, like, and feel, so that we receive satisfaction from the intimacy as we give it in turn. Men really do want a whore in the bedroom and a lady in public. Be that wildcat, and use your imagination. Trust me, your man can handle it, and would love to see it often!
3. Don’t be afraid to get help if you need to – It is not uncommon for women to feel sexually inhibited for both physical and mental reasons. It is just as important to seek the medical or mental treatment needed to address these issues to be free to love your man without inhibitions. Trust me, you and your husband will find it valuable to your relationship.
4. Make sex a priority – Women make the mistake of allowing our daily routine of cooking, cleaning, and caring for the kids to overshadow the needs of our husbands. We too often say no to the one thing he is asking for in exchange for dealing with the needs of others and our personal agenda.
5. Pay attention to the signals – Women need to pay attention to the signals that your husband sends which may be a sign that his sexual needs are not being met. Pay attention to what he is saying to you, and don’t ignore that importance. In doing so, you validate the fact that you hear his concerns.
When you understand your husband’s heart on this issue and are conscious of meeting that need, you will see your husband meet your needs as well.
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