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It’s Okay Because I Refuse
23 Dec13 simple ways that reveal if a man really loves you…
26 NovI came across this wonderful information by Michael Fiore on his website DigitalRomance.com. Be honest with yourself when you address each point and ask yourself each question. If you honestly do the work, you should be able to determine where you stand and hopefully be well on your way to a loving lasting relationship.
First, some things to remember:

- A women’s insecurity can kill a man’s love for you, like poison on a flower. Men hate it when their women doubt their sincerity regarding his love for us. This doubt kills his self-esteem and drains his love for us.
- It is impossible to be loved unless you first love yourself. Putting your love and self-worth in a man creates intense pressure on a guy.
- Men aren’t women. Women make the mistake of wanting a man to love them in the same way we as women love.
- Love means different things to different people. For women, the question becomes, “Does he desire me and only me?” For men, it means, “Am I happy when I am with her”, or “Am I jealous of the thought of other men around her?” Women want obsession and devotion, men want appreciation and respect. For both sides to be happy there has to be a meeting of the minds; read the signals.
The ask yourself these questions

- Does he say, “I love you?” If he says I love you too early, then this is a bad sign. At least a few times a month is good.
- Does he make you a priority in his life? Actions speak louder than words. You should be in his top 3 priorities. Sometimes, things shift and priorities change. His actions can include making dinner for you, going to dinners, or doing things he hates for your benefit. The actions don’t have to be grand gestures.
- Does he tell his friends about you and show you off in public settings? Have you met his family? If he does not do this then he is ashamed of you, or something is fishy. A man who is in love wants to show you off. Does he hide you away?
- Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Does he look at you and talk to you during sex?
- Does he respect and encourage you? Does he value your opinion? Share important decisions? Does he encourage you to have a life outside of him? Is he in your corner? Jealousy is not love. We must understand the difference.
- Do your friends like the way he treats you? Your friends can judge him better than you can.
- Does he look at you with desire and attraction? Does he check you out (physical appreciation)?

I hope you’ve enjoyed our time together and learned a lot of cool tips that I’ve been using to build a great relationship.
Your input is important to me so please comment, like and share this article. And if you want more information on this article email me at voluptuousdiva@getresponse.com
As always his bondservant
Voluptuous Diva
Voluptuous Diva Diaries is a newsletter sponsored by Voluptuous Diva, Inc.
We are an online social network, fashion design, and merchandising community
dedicated to the majority of American women.
Voluptuous Diva, Inc. was created so that my fellow Divas can
feel empowered, sexy, and inspired.
Joan White is the founder of Voluptuous Diva, Inc. and resides in
Winston-Salem, NC
Inside the Heart and Mind of a Man Part 6
15 OctRelationships and the Plus Size Woman
Inside the Mind and Heart of a Man (Part 6):
Men are Actually Romantic
This series of articles is designed to educate women on the inner workings of men. The information is from the book authored by Shuanti Feldham, which emphasizes the importance of seven revelations involving the mindset of men. To date, we have discussed five revelations. The first revelation was that men need to be respected more than they need to be loved. The second revelation was that men are insecure. Despite a man’s “in-control” exterior, men often feel like impostors. The third revelation is that men have a driving need to be providers, which validates their love for their families and justifies their abilities to succeed as men. The fourth revelation was that men want more sex. Having sex is a method of displaying love and acceptance by his wife, and fills a deep emotional void within. The fifth, men are visual creatures and just because they are looking does not mean they are lusting, or not in love with their wives or significant others. Men keep a mental roladex of images that are recalled involuntarily and can be triggered by another image they see.
Revelation 6: “Men are Actually Romantic”
What is really in the minds of men regarding romance? Do they really think it is a waste of time or is it just a means to an end to get sex? Women we may not realize it but men want and enjoy romance but sometimes find different things romantic than we do and are fearful over the fact they may not be good at executing a romantic interlude. When surveyed men are secret romantics and most want more romance in their lives. What’s even more amazing is that they want romance apart from sex. Believe it or not, men long for the same connections, togetherness, fun and intimacy that we do. The survey found that 84% of men desire romance. This held true regardless of age, race, married or single.
So why don’t men initiate more romance in the relationship. Most men fall into two categories regarding romance, internal hesitation or gender gap. When surveyed however 88% of men believe they have the ability to plan a romantic evening for their spouse or significant other but half are not confident they would do it well. What do I mean by internal hesitation? Men are scared to death of being humiliated or appearing incompetent in front of anyone, especially the woman he loves. Men are haunted by romantic failures of the past. If you tease a man or criticize him for his romantic efforts be prepared for him to not be to willing to do it again. Lastly, please understand that his lack of romance is not always personal. It is difficult for a man to change gears from work to the home. Men need personal space after working all day to wind down so that he can transition and give his attention to his family.
The gender gap in the definition of romance is that men view romance differently. First, playing together is very romantic, men like playing with their wives or significant other, it makes them feel close and provides a chance to be intimate and focus on each other. Men want to go out and do things together with us. As one man said, “Men don’t want to abandon their wives to do guy things. They want to do guy things with their wife.” A woman who has fun with her man is incredibly attractive. Second, romance without sex may not feel complete. Most men are romantic with an end in mind not for selfish reason but remember sex is their way of feeling emotionally connected. Your man wants romance not to manipulate you sexually but to connect with the one he loves after a hard day at the office and escape the pressures of life.
So what is a woman to do
By now it should be dawning on you just how much power we have as women. So what do we do, we encourage and affirm him. Tell him how great he is and how much you appreciate what he does even when the efforts do not go as expected. Keep it fresh by giving him something to pursue, recognize his need for space as well as intimate attention. Bottom line, make yourself the type of friend and lover he constantly wants to pursue. Help him understand what is so important to you. Lastly, keep him number one. So often we put things before our spouse, the kids, the job, family. He needs to know he is a priority this makes him feel valued, loved and respected in our lives.
In loving kindness his bondservant
Joan White
Voluptuous Diva
Inside the Heart and Mind of a Man Part 2
23 JulDating and the Plus Size Woman
Inside the Mind and Heart of the Man Part 2 – Men are Insecure
Voluptuous Diva is an inspirational motivational speaker, blogger and radio personality, fashion designer and merchandiser. My goal is to inspire plus size women to feel empowered sexy and valued.

I am so excited to continue with the relationship series for plus size woman called “Inside the Mind and Heart of a Man.”
As in the first article we learned from the author Shuanti Feldham the importance of seven revelations involving the mindset of men and in order to give me what they need we must learn them. The first one is men need to be respected more than they need to be loved. I never realized how important respect was to men until I read this chapter. This revelation is very detailed from not telling them what to do, not treating them as children, trusting their judgment, watching how we talk to them, not criticizing them in front of others and not criticizing them behind their backs. When we show unconditional respect to the men we love we empower them to take on the world and ensure they will meet our needs as well.

Revelation No. 2 “Men are Insecure”
I never knew that Mr. Smooth looks so impressive on the outside but feels like an impostor on the inside. Despite their in control exterior men often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.
Men have a hidden secret that is hard for them to admit to anyone and that is they each have a deep inner uncertainty which renders even the most confident of men helpless and vulnerable. When surveyed men admitted that no matter the level of success that the majority of men feel some degree of insecurity about themselves and abilities and the opinions of others matter. Men are vulnerable internally especially when they don’t have clear direction in what they are doing and often believe on the verge of being exposed. The very idea of someone especially his woman thinking he can’t cut it is the ultimate humiliation and it is one they strive to avoid at all cost.
There are several factors that drive this internal force within the man we love:
1. Men feel they are always being judged-Men feel the pressure of the world on the shoulders all the time. Men surveyed admitted that they think about what others think of them all the time. Men of color are especially affected by this mindset in that our society as a whole places extra stereotypes and double standards on men of color. Our media has done a very good job of showing a black either slam dunken his way out of poverty, shooting each other down in cold blood in the hood, strung out on drugs or being led away in handcuffs off to prison. It is understandable that men of color feel tremendous pressure about being judged by society and the communities in which they live.
2. Men feel they have no earthly idea how to do something- There is a deep seated vulnerability in every man that when doing something new and unfamiliar that he will fail and look incompetent. Even though he may appear confident and knowledgeable on the outside inside he is scared and often afraid that this inner secret will expose him and he will appear as a failure in front of his peers and family. This fear was not only in young emerging professionals but seasoned establish professionals as well.
3. Men really want to do challenged to do something new-Coupled with the vulnerability of being found incapable is the driving desire to want to accomplish and take on something new and adventurous. At first I thought this rather strange but I have come to understand that men are conquerors so the challenge of the unknown mixed with the excitement of potential failure is a driving force behind all men. It is during these times that men feel the most vulnerable and need our encouragement the most.
4. Men feel like impostors in the workplace-a man’s greatest battle with inadequacy takes place on his job. Today’s workplace is a stressful competitive environment for both men and women. So it is not unreasonable to understand that the vulnerability of inadequacy would move over into the workplace as well.
5. Men are constantly fearful of being replaced-Men live with a never ending internal fear that because they are not good enough they will fail and be replaced. It is this same fear that drives them to get out of bed in the morning.
6. Men feel like impostors in their own homes-Men feel just as insecure at home as well as in the workplace. Men truly desire to be good husbands but worry that don’t know how to succeed at doing so. Men judge themselves and feel the women in their lives judge them based on the happiness and respect they receive from them. No man feels he has all the answers on being a good husband or father. We as women need to be especially sensitive to this need in the men in our lives. We need to realize every time we express displeasure with their decisions we are reinforcing this inner issue.

So what do we as women do?
Affirmation is everything-flattery is everything and is one of the most affective ways to affirm a man. When we affirm the man we love we empower him to conquer the world. Men deliberately seek out places to be affirmed. When affirmation is absent a man feels void of confidence and often his feelings of manhood. At home is the most important place for a man to be affirmed. When men know the women in their lives believe in them, they can conquer the world.
Don’t tear him down- Women need to be careful and not reinforce her man’s feelings of inadequacy because it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When surveyed 44% of men felt unappreciated at home. This percentage was especially high among men between the ages of thirty-six and fifty-five.
Please know ladies, if he is not getting affirmation at home he will seek it elsewhere. So we must convince the men in our lives that they are the greatest. The lack of affirmation in a man’s life is a major reason men slip into pornography because looking at that picture makes him feel like a man and provides a false sense of escape. Therefore women I cannot admonish you enough to create a loving affirming home for the men you love.
Women need to create an atmosphere at home that allows men to make mistakes in peace and not have to worry about being exposed. We do this by not being critical and watching our words and mannerisms ensuring we are affirming and respectful. Men need a retreat from the daily pressure of always having to perform.
Support him sexually-Sex plays a huge role in a man’s self confidence. A wife’s who desires her husband physically and affirms him in bed empowers him to take on the world. A great sex life gives a man strength to overcome the inner feelings of the impostor that he battles.
In summary, men want us to know that they need us to want them despite their weaknesses, failings, and short-comings. They desire us to be their number one source of encouragement to become the man God created them to be. It’s about sending the man we love into the world every day alive with the belief that he can conquer the world. We do this by building his self confidence to do the impossible.
Voluptuous Diva Diaries is a newsletter sponsored by Voluptuous Diva, Inc. We are an online social network, fashion design, and merchandising community dedicated to the majority of American women. Voluptuous Diva, Inc. was created so that my fellow Divas can feel empowered, sexy, and inspired. Minister Joan White is the founder of Voluptuous Diva, Inc. and resides in Winston-Salem, NC
The History of 20thCentury Women’s Clothing
14 MayClothing styles and popular apparel fashions are constantly in flux, and the fashion world is continuously inundated with runway innovations and fly-by-night fads. Over the last century, fashion in the Western world in particular has experienced continual upheavals and major changes. From 1900 to 2007, popular fads have included such fashion statements as rear-enhancing bustles, short flapper dresses, wide-leg bell bottoms, and deliberately ripped jeans. These and other major fashion trends make up the fascinating history of twentieth- century women’s clothing.
Haute Couture Era: 1900-1920
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eQ563IfIkio
Women’s fashion in the early 1900s highlighted the silhouette of the mature, full-figured body. Low busts and curvy hips were flaunted by the dress styles of the era (Pendergast 2004). In the early years of the first decade, skirts were long and full and often contained a small train, similar to what is commonly seen in today’s wedding gowns. However, as the decade drew to a close, skirts gradually grew shorter and began to reveal tantalizing glimpses of the ankle. The overall silhouette of dresses also changed slightly, moving toward a narrower, straighter line.
The early 1900s also marked the flowering of the haute couture movement in Paris. Parisian designers set the fashion tone for the rest of the Western world, and their designs were highly sought after by women of the upper classes. Quite frequently, horse races served as a debut for important new fashions, as well-known designers sent models to attend these races wearing their latest creations (Pendergast 2004).
From 1910 until the start of the First World War in 1914, fashion continued to move toward slimmer, narrower silhouettes that emphasized flat busts and slim hips (Pendergast 2004). Bustles and trains were removed from dresses, as fashion designers played with the length of skirts to reveal enticing new areas of skin. However, as the war began in 1914, attention and materials were drawn away from fashion design, and no significant fashion developments occurred again until peace was declared at the end of 1918.
Modern Era: 1920-1940

During the 1920s, clothing styles officially entered the modern era of fashion design. During this decade, women began to liberate themselves from constricting clothes for the first time and openly embrace more comfortable styles like pants and short skirts. While popular fashions remained relatively conservative prior to 1925, short skirts, low waistlines, and revolutionary styles of the flapper era characterized the latter half of the decade (Hall 1992). Dresses were made to fit close to the body in order to emphasize youthful elegance. Hems were cut to the knee, and waistlines disappeared almost entirely. Cloche hats without rims also became a key popular clothing item during this period (Pendergast 2004).
The fashion styles of the flapper era lasted throughout the 1920s and into the early 1930s before the hardships of the Great Depression forced more conservative trends. During this time, skirts became longer and the natural waistline became a more important part of dresses as society began to move back toward a more traditionally feminine look (Hall 1992). While some trends of the 1920s, such as cloche hats and bobbed hair, lasted slightly longer, the difficult times of the 1930s definitely called for more conservative wear.
The decade of the 1930s also saw the first true distinction between day and evening styles. During the affluent era of the 1920s, women could easily wear impractical clothing during the day without worry, so long as domestic servants took care of the chores (Pendergast 2004). However, the hard times of the Depression caused many women to do more work at home themselves and necessitated more practical clothing for the daytime. Simple skirts and pared-down outfits allowed for ease of mobility in the daytime, while new fabrics such as metallic lamé became popular for more luxurious evening wear. The newly improved, synthetic fabric rayon became an important part of many designers’ fashions during the 1930s, and cotton also moved into more stylish clothing designs; however, silk remained the primary fabric of most fashion designers.
Rationed Fashion and the New Look: 1940 – 1960
As Europe, and later America, entered the landscape of World War II, fashion responded to the restrained mood and economy of the war. Drabness and uniformity in clothing were embraced, and people were encouraged to make do with and mend the clothing they already had. Service uniforms were constantly seen on both men and women at all types of social functions, as the reality of the war became impossible to ignore.
During the war, all types of cloth were needed for a variety of wartime purposes, and material for clothing was severely rationed. Women were issued a limited number of ration coupons to use for clothing purchases each year, and this number declined steadily as the war progressed. Due to the limited materials, fashions of the era emphasized shorter skirts than ever before and short, blocky jackets (Pendergast 2004). Buttons for any type of apparel were limited to three per clothing item. Nylon stockings were very scarce, and women were encouraged to make do with ankle socks and bare legs. During the war and its aftermath, there was rarely an adequate amount of any clothing item available, and women were forced to do the best they could and dress as femininely as possible with the available stock.
By the late 1940s and early 1950s, designers had quickly grown tired of the utilitarian, minimalist clothing of the wartime era. Longings for elegance and luxury that had been suppressed during the war years began to creep out again with the “New Look” of fashion in the late 1940s in which clothing styles emphasized rounded shoulders, full skirts, and narrow waists (Hall 1992). The garments were often lined with luxurious, expensive fabrics, and ornate accessories became necessary items. Although critics complained about the extravagance of the clothing while rationing was still mandated, women throughout the country clamored for the revitalized femininity of the New Look. And it would prove to be popular enough to last well into the affluent decade of the 1950s.
Fashion Revolution: 1960 – 1980

The 1960s and 1970s witnessed a youth explosion that completely revolutionized the fashion system. Prior to 1960, designers generally created styles for runways, and clothing manufacturers mass produced the designers’ styles for the general public. However, during the 1960s, youth throughout the Western world began to rebel against traditional clothing styles and create their own trends. Soon, fashion designers and manufacturers were madly trying to keep up with the trends and implement the youths’ popular creations into clothing for the masses.
During the 1960s and 1970s, a huge variety of clothing became popular, including bell bottoms, increasingly short miniskirts and hot pants, and blue jeans (Pendergast 2004). It was no longer shocking for women to wear pants on a daily basis, and many of the styles of the era were somewhat androgynous. By the 1970s, it was nearly impossible to tell what was in fashion and what was not, as the choices for available clothing had become very diverse. During these two decades of rapid social revolution and change, it was “anything goes” in terms of fashionable clothing. By the late 1970s, popular styles had turned somewhat more conservative, but the freedom of choice inspired by the two decades would live on.
Present Era: 1980 – 2007
While high fashion had greatly declined during the free-for-all of the 1960s and 1970s, the 1980s saw a definite rise in the popularity of designer styles. Wealthy people across the country flocked to New York boutiques and Paris fashion shows to purchase directly from designers’ lines, while mass producers replicated the high fashions for the general public. Power and money dominated the styles of the 1980s, with women donning expensive business suits and dresses during the day and extravagant designer gowns in the evening (Pendergast 2004). While not everybody could afford the expensive designer clothing, some top fashion designers such as Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren also produced ready-to-wear lines to appeal to less-affluent customers. During the 1980s, clothing was a sign of power, and the top designers reigned supreme with their fashionable apparel.
But by the 1990s, women had begun to reject the moneyed, designer styles of the 1980s and opt for more comfortable, casual clothing. Flannel shirts and ripped jeans inspired by the grunge movement in rock and roll became popular, while the rising hip-hop movement brought baggy pants into fashion (Pendergast 2004). Whatever its expression, comfort remained the key factor in clothing choice for most women in the 1990s and 2000s. Even standards for work relaxed somewhat, and casual dresses and pants became popular workplace attire.
Today, while expensive designer clothing is still sought after by some women, casual, comfortable clothing styles at reasonable prices are the popular choice at the start of the new century. But one never knows what new trendy or outrageous style will emerge next on the fashion scene.
I pray today’s article was helpful or informative. Please feel free to leave a comment or share this with anyone you feel will enjoy it….
Talk to you later
Voluptuous Diva
Defining Moments: The Testimony
30 AprOver the years I have had several defining moments that have had a significant impact on how I view myself. I have come to realize that we live in a world that tries to define who we are and what we do and what we shall become, whether we realize it or not. One of the greatest revelations for me was realizing that who I am, and whose I am, does not lie within the world system, but in something far greater.
You see, my self-esteem and self-worth for years were tied to things that although powerful and seemingly legitimate at the time were not the real truth of who I was. And it wasn’t until 1999 that I had a powerful, life-changing epiphany about who and whose I am.
Background: (As I write I hold back the tears) I grew up a preacher’s kid. My father was an AME Pastor and my mother a faithful Pastor’s wife. Until I was 13, I was a fairly fit kid, but hitting puberty changed all that. When you couple that with the stress of a household that was going through a turbulent divorce, what developed in my life was emotional eating and constant weight fluctuations. So began my obesity journey … the yo-yo dieting and criticism from those closest to me about my weight, and the emotional binge eating that still plagues me to this day.
Although I grew up a preacher’s kid and received Christ into my heart at age 12, it wasn’t until I was 30 that I received an epiphany that completely change my self consciousness about my body image.
Let me explain. All my life because of my size I was made to feel inadequate. I was told by loved ones well into my adult years that my life would never amount to anything great because I was fat. In my teen years I did not date as much as my friends and I was told the reason was that boys don’t like fat girls (at the time I was only a size 14-16). From that moment, I internalized that I was un-dateable and un-loveable to a man because I was fat.
Over the next several years whenever a guy showed any interest in me, I was overly anxious and too accommodating because in my mind he had to be a rare and special individual for looking beyond my ugly outside and wanting to date me. (Thank you, Oh God, for deliverance.)
Unfortunately for me, this definition lead to decades of poor self-esteem, years of depression, very poor relationship choices, severe emotionally scaring, and in my late teenage years (17-19 years of age) being preyed upon sexually by men old enough to be my father.
Throughout my mid- and late-20s, I was at my lowest point: no car, living at home with my mom, mediocre jobs, defeated in my mind, and deeply hurting within my soul because I truly believed that I could not be loved because I was fat. I could not be successful because I was fat. I could not be married (like all my closest friends) because I was fat. I could not get a good job because I was fat. I could not have children because I was fat. I was ugly because I was fat. God loved me but could not use me to my fullest potential because I was fat.
One of my greatest regrets was that I did not finish college and get my degree at 22. I was so ashamed that I hid it from everyone but my mom and brother for years. But at age 30, I had the opportunity to go back to my original college and finish what I started.
One evening as I was lying in bed in the dormitory; I began to cry and feel sorry for myself. I said to God, “If You could just help me lose the weight, my life would change for the better; then I could be beautiful and have great success.”
I remember hearing God clearly say to me, “Joan, when did I ever say that about you? I have never said that about you. Where is that even in My Word? You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And if you will grasp what I am saying to you and turn to me, I will fulfill every great thing in you. My love is not based upon your size; it is unconditional because of who I am. I have called you to greatness; your size is not your definition.”
Instantly, I was set free. Instantly, I was made whole, and I began to walk with greater confidence, peace, and purpose, knowing what had held me in a prison without bars all my life could hold me no longer. God dealt with me about forgiving those that had told me I was inadequate, joked in fun about my size, and looked down and thought less of me because I was a big girl. Their opinion was not my definition.
With that new found mindset of peace and hope, I finished my degree and six months later moved to Washington, DC. There I landed a wonderful job, qualified to buy a house, got into graduate school, and developed into a wonderful voluptuous woman destined for Godly purpose. I lived there for four and a half years then moved back home to Winston-Salem, and together with my family, started our first company. We opened a healthcare company that provides services to adults with developmental disabilities, and it has been going strong for seven years.
I made my first million fat; I bought my first home fat; I am a well-respected business woman fat; I have been able to travel around the world fat. And I am honored to tell you one of my most important epitaphs: “Fabulous And Thick”.
I do not deny the responsibility I have to my health and weight and work daily to be a healthier me. However, I refused to allow being plus-sized to stop me from being a better me either. Never let anyone or anything define who you are or limit your potential in any way. Their opinion is not your definition and neither is your size.
To God Be the Glory; both Now and Forevermore.
Voluptuous Diva
Stay Blessed and Continue to Re-Define Yourself
Join the Revolution and Define Yourself[J3] !
Voluptuous Diva Diaries is a newsletter sponsored by Voluptuous Diva, Inc.
We are an online social network, fashion design, and merchandising community
dedicated to the majority of American women.
Voluptuous Diva, Inc. was created so that my fellow Divas can
feel empowered, sexy, and inspired.
Joan White is the founder of Voluptuous Diva, Inc. and resides in Winston-Salem, NC
Sign-up now and receive our semi-monthly newsletter and weekly blog via email
I’m a Survivor
19 FebDeep within me, there is a knowing that floods my soul; that at my deepest, darkest hour of despair, I am compelled to keep going. It tells me I am not alone, and everything—regardless of how it looks—will be all right.
It is at those moments that I realize I am being carried by a strength not my own, a wind that propels me, even without my realizing it.
King David states many times throughout the book of Psalms that in his darkest hours, God came and comforted him, and provided him with the strength to endure. Over the last few years of my life, I have come into the realization of those scriptures like never before, and I thank Him.
I look back over some of the trials and tribulations in my life and realize they have provided me with even more significant triumphs. They may not have seemed that way at the time, however, looking back over them in hindsight, I realize they were not just trials and tribulations, but opportunities for growth in my character and my faith.
They were chances for me to change for the better, to learn to think differently in times of crisis, and they were opportunities for me to be repositioned for a greater destiny and purpose.
Over the last three years, several different trials and tribulations come to mind. I think on them and realize I am very humbled and grateful. I have gone into $2 million dollars worth of foreclosure debt from a failing business (we were about to lose everything—houses, cars, commercial property) only to see God bring me and my family out without losing anything. I learned that no matter how hopeless it seems, God is bigger than my financial circumstances.
I learned to turn those circumstances over to Him and to trust Him in my darkest hour.
My faith grew by leaps and bounds that year as He brought my family back to financial stability.
I learned that sometimes He has to literally snatch from us something that is no longer beneficial to us in order to give us what we really need. That was the case in 2011, when our bank allowed our second mortgage holder to foreclose on our commercial property, after we had struggled to bring it out of foreclosure a year earlier. It is a very rare occurrence for a 1st lien holder to allow a 2nd lien holder to foreclose on a property. But, God had another plan; we had outgrown that building and needed more space. Plus, the property was old and the maintenance was becoming quite costly. God removed that financial burden from us, and we were able to get another building that was much bigger and cheaper than what we had. In the end, we owed a $467,000 first mortgage that was paid off when the property was sold, and we were released, debt free, from the property, without having to do anything.
I learned that God is working on my behalf, even when I don’t realize it, and He can resolve an issue without my having to lift a finger.
The bank sent us the deed in the mail, stamped “Paid in Full” and we did not even know it was coming.
I learned that He will fight my battles if I hold my peace and remain steadfast. My company had an unfair audit that resulted in a crazy re-payment request from Medicaid in the amount of $439,000. We fought for two years, and finally hired an attorney. The attorney fought on our behalf for over 6 months, and, finally, he called us and said the amount had been reduced to $4,166.25. He said the attorney for the state dropped the charges and requested payment only for the events originally reviewed in the initial audit. Once the amount was paid, the audit and the entire issue would be resolved permanently. Only God can reduce a debt by over $435,000 without the attorney even having to do anything.
I learned that God is the greatest defense in the midst of a battle, and as long as He is on my side, I am the righteousness that will never be forsaken, and the seed that will never beg for bread.
I learned that God will remove a burden from you at your most stressful moment in order to reposition you for the greater blessing that is to come. Even when the situation looks unjust and hopeless, His mercy is sufficient, and His wisdom and truth endure forever. I learned that in the mist of a mighty tribulation, there is peace, and that the content of your character and integrity determine the success of your outcome.
I had that revelation this year when the state unfairly decided not to renew my business contract for the Medicaid services. They gave me four days to discontinue doing business, with no regard for the people I served, or my staff, who depended on my business to feed their families. My livelihood of 8 years—gone; hundreds of thousands of dollars in income—gone. At first, I was very distraught, and I felt defeated. I began to despair as if all was lost, but I talked with a colleague of mine who helped me realize that was far from the truth.
As I began to pray and consult the Lord, He told me, “I am removing this burden from you, so you can be free.”
The truth is, I hated that business; I was tired, burnt out and the business was struggling financially. A new vision had been burning in my spirit for two years, but I had no time to pursue it. The loss of that business gave me back my peace, my home, the time I needed to grow closer to God so that He could work on me, and time to work on the vision that now drove my passion. The day the business closed, I called a friend of mine and screamed, cried and thanked God for 30 minutes that the burden had finally been lifted.
A wave of peace swept over my body, and God told me He would work everything out for my family’s good, and I believed Him.
It was the first time in 8 years that I felt unrestrained and at total peace. God brought my family out of that circumstance as independent contractors able to sustain ourselves financially, with none of the stress, expense, and responsibilities of the business ownership. Only the Lord can do that.
In closing, I say unto you that no matter what trials and tribulations come your way, know that God is in the midst, waiting to give us peace, waiting to give us guidance, waiting to reposition us for something better, and waiting to show Himself sovereign. Know that what comes is coming in order to develop us into wiser, stronger people, and usher us to the next level of blessings, purpose, and destiny, for a greater life.
Your humble bondservant,
Voluptuous Diva
Voluptuous Diva Diaries is a newsletter sponsored by Voluptuous Diva, Inc.
Our Mission:
To inspire Normal Size Women to be better Me’s through thought provoking social media and by creating vintage inspired fashions that re-define, revolutionize, and inspire the plus size woman. Beautiful. Strong. Voluptuous women who are the majority, the norm.
Our Vision:
For all voluptuous women to feel empowered, sexy, and valued
Joan White is the founder of Voluptuous Diva, Inc. and resides in Winston-Salem, NC
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Dispelling Misconceptions
6 Febwant to say as a plus size woman growing up in America, I know one thing for sure:
We live in a society that defines
plus size very negatively.
FACT: The Center for Disease Control considers 68% of American women overweight or obese.
However, the average woman is size 14-16, under 5’4” and pear shaped, which means the average woman looks like Oprah Winfrey. Yet fewer than 5% are of us are positively represented in media.
We are the norm and
the norm deserves to be
positively represented.
The media deceives American women into thinking super model/Hollywood bodies are norms, and if you are not that body type, you are abnormal, inadequate, and stupid. FACT: Super models are only ½ of 1% and the Hollywood bodies are less than 5% of the female population. We must wonder about a society that glorifies those who are so skinny that bones show through her skin and the price to be thin causes death by anorexia.
What message does this send to our daughters and young women who will never achieve this fleeting standard of beauty?
They deserve an empowering realistic example not the misguiding one that exist.
Time to make a change and
the plus size women are
the ones to do it.
FACT: Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. We live in a society with as vast a representation of women as colors in a kaleidoscope.
Some argue that being plus size is unhealthy. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that every woman has a responsibility for her own health. I am no exception; I am super-plus size woman. I admit it; I own it.
However, just because that is the case does not mean I am lazy, stupid, or do not care about myself. The only difference between my struggle and yours is the type of struggle.
Declare with me:
I refuse to be de-valued
because of society’s prejudices.
FACT: Plus size women are doctors, lawyers, nurses, mothers, hardworking, dedicated, and like myself entrepreneurs and employers of industry. We are educated, strong, determined, passionate and intelligent. It is time we raise our voices and demand that these qualities be recognized.
We will not be silent any longer!
So where do we go from here? We begin to re-define ourselves, re-brand ourselves, and set a new standard with the average and above-average women in mind.
I founded Voluptuous Diva Inc. to become a “Revolutionary” and launch an uprising determined to give a new voice back to the majority. And provide more new faces of beauty show-casing today’s modern woman.
In the coming months this newsletter and blogs will empower 80 million women (the 68% who are considered plus size). The inspiring articles will accentuate the multiplicity of who we are.
- Get ready for interviews with exceptional voluptuous women who impact powerful change in our society.
- Find useful tips designed to help you positively define your life and take life to the next level.
- Discover the most fabulous vintage-inspired plus-size customized fashions you have ever seen.
Come Join the Revolution and Re-define Yourself!


