Relationships and the Plus Size Woman
Inside the Mind and Heart of a Man (Part 6):
Men are Actually Romantic
This series of articles is designed to educate women on the inner workings of men. The information is from the book authored by Shuanti Feldham, which emphasizes the importance of seven revelations involving the mindset of men. To date, we have discussed five revelations. The first revelation was that men need to be respected more than they need to be loved. The second revelation was that men are insecure. Despite a man’s “in-control” exterior, men often feel like impostors. The third revelation is that men have a driving need to be providers, which validates their love for their families and justifies their abilities to succeed as men. The fourth revelation was that men want more sex. Having sex is a method of displaying love and acceptance by his wife, and fills a deep emotional void within. The fifth, men are visual creatures and just because they are looking does not mean they are lusting, or not in love with their wives or significant others. Men keep a mental roladex of images that are recalled involuntarily and can be triggered by another image they see.
Revelation 6: “Men are Actually Romantic”
What is really in the minds of men regarding romance? Do they really think it is a waste of time or is it just a means to an end to get sex? Women we may not realize it but men want and enjoy romance but sometimes find different things romantic than we do and are fearful over the fact they may not be good at executing a romantic interlude. When surveyed men are secret romantics and most want more romance in their lives. What’s even more amazing is that they want romance apart from sex. Believe it or not, men long for the same connections, togetherness, fun and intimacy that we do. The survey found that 84% of men desire romance. This held true regardless of age, race, married or single.
So why don’t men initiate more romance in the relationship. Most men fall into two categories regarding romance, internal hesitation or gender gap. When surveyed however 88% of men believe they have the ability to plan a romantic evening for their spouse or significant other but half are not confident they would do it well. What do I mean by internal hesitation? Men are scared to death of being humiliated or appearing incompetent in front of anyone, especially the woman he loves. Men are haunted by romantic failures of the past. If you tease a man or criticize him for his romantic efforts be prepared for him to not be to willing to do it again. Lastly, please understand that his lack of romance is not always personal. It is difficult for a man to change gears from work to the home. Men need personal space after working all day to wind down so that he can transition and give his attention to his family.
The gender gap in the definition of romance is that men view romance differently. First, playing together is very romantic, men like playing with their wives or significant other, it makes them feel close and provides a chance to be intimate and focus on each other. Men want to go out and do things together with us. As one man said, “Men don’t want to abandon their wives to do guy things. They want to do guy things with their wife.” A woman who has fun with her man is incredibly attractive. Second, romance without sex may not feel complete. Most men are romantic with an end in mind not for selfish reason but remember sex is their way of feeling emotionally connected. Your man wants romance not to manipulate you sexually but to connect with the one he loves after a hard day at the office and escape the pressures of life.
So what is a woman to do
By now it should be dawning on you just how much power we have as women. So what do we do, we encourage and affirm him. Tell him how great he is and how much you appreciate what he does even when the efforts do not go as expected. Keep it fresh by giving him something to pursue, recognize his need for space as well as intimate attention. Bottom line, make yourself the type of friend and lover he constantly wants to pursue. Help him understand what is so important to you. Lastly, keep him number one. So often we put things before our spouse, the kids, the job, family. He needs to know he is a priority this makes him feel valued, loved and respected in our lives.
In loving kindness his bondservant
Joan White
Voluptuous Diva
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